by Darla Jones
GUEST COLUMNIST
There are some needful items that must be carefully budgeted into a family's finances. If not, 20 gallons of gas and a ticket on eBay to a Hannah Montana concert may actually appear to be a good, hardy financial investments.
One good example of a carefully budgeted item would be school clothes -- particularly when the number of children enrolled in school from one family is a fourth of the "optimal" classroom size.
Another item that must be included in a family budget is dog food, because, after all, dogs are a (hu)man's best friend. Unconditionally, they shed their love on the carpet and couches and pretty much get full reign of the backyard. They slobber and protect and completely make themselves at home. And, if you haven't already figured it out, canines also are privy to their own food -- commonly packaged in huge 220-pound bags that last about two weeks and, in transport may earn you an unplanned trip to your friendly neighborhood chiropractor.
But my budget gripe this week is about those darn razors that get air time during any highly-televised sports venue. You know the advertisement: Man with full-fledged Sasquatch beard approaches mirror and grabs his jaw with one hand. Growls. Then he picks up platinum-based, lead-free, ultra-thin, quint-tripled self-sharpening razor made in Paree (oui, oui). With one smooth sweep of the blade -- and oh, ever so graceful -- viola, the beard instantaneously transforms itself into (dun, dun, dun) baby soft skin.
Last week, in an attempt to buy a very needful item and still keep within budget, my husband redeemed a coupon for free blades that came packaged in an ever attractive gleaming blue and silver cardboard box. Of course, like éclairs without chocolate icing, blades are no good unless you have the correct handle to go along with it.
So along with the free blades, my husband purchased the correct razor handle, which was more than $8! But hello, did I mention that the blades -- which were conveniently offered for free, mind you -- are way more expensive than the razor? Which mean what the next time we actually need to buy the blades?
I suppose if my husband had a beard like Tom Cruise he could use a blade once every year and we would be well within our "needful items" budget. But when his five o'clock shadow shows up regularly at 2 in the afternoon, I'm thinking we may just have to take out a second mortgage on our home now that he's discovered this new razor.
Which makes me wonder if perhaps Sasquatch is just a little smarter than us all. He's figured how to budget out things like school clothes and razors, which just could make stuff like gasoline and Hannah Montana tickets part of the needful family budget.
Darla Jones has lived in Tooele for nine years. She has eight children and loves chocolate.