by Jeff Barrus

EDITOR

In 2006, a U.S. Census survey found that for the first time in America's history, the most common type of household in the country was a single person living alone rather than a married couple. This was a tipping point our nation had been approaching since the 1960s, and when we finally reached it the news was greeted with jubilation by national groups like the non-profit Alternatives to Marriage Project and others who were glad to see the sun finally setting on the dusty old institution of marriage.

Really though, if the sun is setting on marriage, it seems to be rising on a brave new world of living alone. And why not? Living alone makes good economic sense. It allows human capital the ability to respond quickly to market forces by working longer hours, working more flexible hours (think Beijing time), and relocating at the drop of a hat to regions where demand for labor exceeds supply. Plus, there are no non-revenue-generating dependents to inflate the expenditure side of the equation. And no one to scold you for leaving the bed unmade.

I can see where we're headed and the efficiencies to be gained, but I resolved a long time ago to live an alternative lifestyle, and after almost 18 years of marriage, my wife and I are probably too set in our ways to join the mainstream single majority anyway. We also have two kids, which in America today shoots us well over the average of 2.57 people per household, and way out onto the radical demographic fringe.

Before you start laughing at the idea of single households becoming the norm, remind yourself that you live in Utah, a state norms almost never visit. Just because every time you eat at Applebee's you're seated between two families of 12 doesn't negate the fact that the glass towers of every city from New York to San Francisco are stacked thousands deep with singles ensconced in their studio apartments watching "The Office" after a long day at the office.

Like most Utahns, I'm a bit worried by these national trends. However, in my opinion, the crisis we're facing is not a crisis of marriage. When more people want to be left alone than bother with sharing their lives with another person, what we're really facing is a crisis of love.

We don't spend much time debating the state of love in America. There are no barometers to tell us love fell nationally by 17 percent in the fourth quarter of 2007, nor is there a candidate out there clamoring for a comprehensive love stimulus package. But perhaps there should be.

Perhaps there should be a stern Federal Love Reserve Chairman who mandates cuts in hours worked per week and the wholesale price of roses when he sees Americans becoming too self-absorbed. Perhaps there should be a commander-in-chief facing into the wind of public opinion, ordering a love surge that will last "until we get the job done."

I suspect rampant individuality is to blame for the love crisis. Jack likes to sleep in on Sunday morning, Jill likes to get up early. Oh well, guess they couldn't make it work. Meanwhile, in other parts of the world, people are falling in love as they have for centuries, accommodating each other's differences, staying together.

Utahns are a stoic people when it comes to demonstrating love. Most of us don't know a sonnet from a hornet, and we'd rather sod a five-acre yard than spend five minutes singing a moonlight serenade. Yet, I've always thought of us as a romantic people. We marry young, without much thought for money or careers, and we're still holding hands into our 80s.

My wife and I were young when we got married. At the time, there was no shortage of people telling us we were making the biggest mistake of our lives. Almost two decades on, however, experience has taught me there are far worse mistakes to be made in life than falling in love young. The worst of these is not to fall in love at all.

Valentine's Day is a day for defending love. We should not use it just to pass on traditions, as we do on other holidays, but to pass on wisdom. Too often we tell our children life is about getting good grades so you can get into the right college so you can get a high-paying job that will give you purpose. Perhaps what we really should be telling them is this: Whatever you do, don't forget to fall in love.

jbarrus@tooeletranscript.com